I've been feeling quite a bit tired since Thursday. At first I thought it had just been an excessive amount of concentration while I was at an interesting workshop. By yesterday I knew I had slight flare-up of my candida problem and I had a mouth ulcer last night. Still feeling a little run down this morning, despite the cold sore having eased, I took a moment to just become aware of my body and to see what it told me. I was immediately aware of a tension, a straining. I realized I'd been straining after some early experience with meditation on space, silence and stillness. The more I had been trying the more I had been spinning in circles, chasing my tail.
I took a moment to be aware of the straining. Not to try to diminish it or change it or even control it. Simply to trust that within that experience was a point of stillness. I surrendered to awareness of that, then the silence, then the emptiness.
A blue light birthed within my mind's eye, as it often does when I do work on the third eye but this was not the intense electric blue swirling vortex I've usually seen. Rather it was a soft, vast blue, an ocean of sorts. With that ocean there was suddenly a white light, tinged with green and yellow. It appeared to take shape, forming petals of an unfolding flower, a luminous waterlily. I didn't analyse it so I can't say how many petals it had but the vision was breath-taking. I wanted to photograph or paint it. In the meantime, it seemed important so I'm blogging it and maybe later I can refer back to this when I am able to understand its symbology.
Interestingly, I had a cup of herbal tea after and reread a chapter of Healing with Form, Energy and Light by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche. On page 9 of the paperback version he gives the colours of the five lights, according to the Bon tradition. White for space, Yellow for earth, Green for air, Red for fire and Blue for water. Quite different from the usual colour correspondence but when I applied it to my vision it resonated for me with perhaps the blue being a primordial ocean, the white of the waterlily being an unfolding awareness of the element of space, tinged with groundedness and knowledge that it springs from. The only thing that was missing perhaps was red which represents bliss in the Bon tradition. I imagine that if that had been in the vision it might have been like flames dancing on the tops of the petals.
I'm starting to feel better now, picking up as the day goes on but I think I'll semi-fast for the rest of the day, to clear the system.